Lost and Confused.....

People seeing me 'smile and laugh' as if I have nothing to worry and concern about but nobody knows what the inside is...Only me do. It's not easy to cope with my situation.. I asked a few thoughts from my friends but not many of them can give me the best solution..Its easy to give advice more difficult when you're having to do it. I think, mine is complex and unusual difficult.. ...In a way, I feel completely stuck - My friend has once said to me 'Maybe I'm 'stuck' waiting for my luck to change? Maybe I have to try and make my own luck?'' Yes, maybe I replied..... Maybe I should try and do instead of waiting? Yes, it's all maybe...

I've been thinking a lot recently trying to find a solution...I keep and keep searching but still I have not found yet. The more I think the less I have. My head was aching I felt lost and confused.. Sometimes the pressure was so unbearable - I had this opportunity that some people search and struggling to get..I had been all through that but I have not complete the 'task'...yet. It's gone through the half way and I was stuck in a middle...Why this is happening to me? Is it because of me? or is it the situation made me? I don't want to lost this one chance....and I don't know if I can keep continuing what I am now, but if I did - Will it change the situation? Shall I just move on? The difficulties and obstacles made me so upset and frustrated. Life isn't easy.. I still remembered before I came to the UK - Kevin told me that 'roads in the UK are not paved with gold and not always a bed of flowers'. He's absolutely right!!

This afternoon, I called my mum and sister Lenny, I haven't talked to them since last year - It was good to hear their voiced again. I missed them so much...!! I am glad that they were all fine. That's the most important.... As in things back home and stuff...some of them I was not very happy with... It's not easy to dealt two things when you're far apart.. I just hope things are getting better soon.

My headache really 'discomfort' and annoying me -- I think, I better take some rest and hope tomorrow be better than today. xxx

New Year Journey in London..

''We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.'' ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce~

New Year's eve is like every other night --- Last year '2006' I celebrated it at home in Walton -- Just chilled out and watched the festive on telly. I thought, it was rather bored - At that moment, I wished I can see the spectacular and multi-coloured fireworks in flesh!....It look really cool, fun and breathtaking!!...

Another fresh new year is here, another year to live -- So, this year '2007' I've planned to go to London to experience it myself!! -- After I finished work at 16.00 then we getting ready to go to London, we planned to meet Max and his friend for a dinner before the fireworks display started .....I'm not sure what to expect but what I know is, it's gonna be so, so crowded as there are more than 350, 000 people are expected to gather in central London to celebrate New Year's Eve...

We're off to the station at 19.13 hoped to catch a train from W-O-Thames at 19.17 but we missed it! D***! As we waited for the next train to arrive at 19.41, I saw a note stick on the counter ''Transport for London services (London Underground, London buses, Docklands Light Railway, and Tramlink) will be running all night on New Year's Eve and will be free between 23:45 and 04:30. Trains from Waterloo Station to W-O-Thames are available at 00.12, 1.12 and 2.12'' - Cool... So, we have to get a train by or at least at 1am - as soon as we got in the train I received a text from Max saying 'His friend not coming with us. What to do now?'' - Then I suggested him to join us for dinner instead...

We arrived at London Waterloo station at 20.03 as we went off the station to Hungerford Bridge heading to Leicester Square... I noticed a temporary metal gate beneath the bridge suddenly clanged shut, there are a lot of police, security guard around..I asked one of them how can I get to the other side of the river...and she said 'You have to go to Blackfriars Bridge as both Hungerford and Waterloo Bridges are closed.'' What!!...I still think some of them not sure where to direct or to point to...may be due to overcrowding problems they've shut the bridges -- Instead of 00.25 minutes walked to Leicester Square it took me almost an hour to get there as there is no re-direction signs, no public announcements even some of the stewards do not give a correct direction!! Oh well, I should have read the newspapers or watch telly for information or at least access the net before I went but I didn't uh!

As we headed to Blackfriars Bridge I got another texts from Max saying 'He can't join us for dinner as he's going with his other friend for a party but will probably see us 'later'' , Well never mind..we will see 'later' if we can get together -- We decided to have an Italian food that night - Honestly, I don't really bother whatever food we gonna have.. I'm just so starving as I didn't have a lunch at work not even a proper breakfast.....and walked for about 3 miles to Leicester Sq isn't helped at all. We found one next to Wagamama by the time we got there I just couldn't believe what I saw...every restaurants were in a queued!! We waited about half an hour not till 21.40 then we had our dinner. Please note during New Year's Eve some restaurants may increased their 'service charge' to 25%..!! So be prepared!! Next time I rather eat at home!! But thanks to Neil for the lovely dinner...and for spent New Year with me.. otherwise I might have spend it myself as all of my friends are 'busy' or disappeared somewhere....hahaha....

Twenty five minutes to New Year, got a called from Max to arranged for a meeting...so we set 'at Charing Cross Station at half past 11pm' -- As we leave the restaurant we can see all the people heading to one direction 'Trafalgar Square' --- I thought there are some events there so we remain inactive and waited but none...nada..nothing!! just a big giant screen showing some singers singing 'unknown' etc..It was drizzling and wet as we waited the countdown to come....two minutes to go!!! We were thinking to go to London Eye to see the fireworks... or at least to see it from a distance...but we were 'stuck' in the crowded of thousands of people, pushing and screaming....!!

Boom!! Bang....!!! 1,000,000 pound display.....! The first fireworks on 2008 exploded from the rim of the London Eye. All different colour lights and make them flash in rotation...and I saw 'them' in a giant screen 'only'!!! Aawww, not satisfied...As the fireworks lasted for 11 minutes we tried to squeezed in the crowded dash up to the Strand..hoping we can see a bit of flesh fireworks..We did..just a 'little, a little' bit of sparkling, not very good view at all but that the best I can see...

We were still trying...to see more of it, so we walked to Charing Cross as the fireworks still display, I ran quick to the platform to catch the 'last' exploded but didn't managed to see. Uh..! How sad!! All the hassle to get here, all the long walked, all the long queue, all that standing around etc... very disappointed!! After waiting about ten minutes in a station we still haven't heard or a text from Max, not knowing where's he..So, we decided to head back to Waterloo Station as we don't know 'How long' to get there with all the creeping slowly along packed streets, barely moved at all..it might take us hours..

Eventually we got there..It took me almost two hours to get into Waterloo Station....phew..!!..I looked at the 'time'??? 02.14am! Looked up the departure screen.....Oh shot!! we just missed the last train!! Bummer!! This gonna be a disaster, a miserable night...Last option; Get a train to Kingston which is at 02.27am then....either walk or take a taxi to W-O-Thames? --- When we got at Kingston...there's a long, long queue for a taxi...I didn't bother to do all those queuing ''again''..So we decided to walk instead '5miles'....Yes '5 miles..!! You could called it..'a nightmare journey home after NY' -- But well, I did enjoyed a bit of it seriously..not the long walked though..but...the chilly weather that night was so refreshing, it didn't fuss me at all - I took some pictures along way home without a 'word of moaning' hehehe... Something that I would never ever forget!!

I saw this small creature on the way home..I never saw it before, it's tempted to touch but my nerve didn't let me -- Neil said it was a Hedgehog - It looks very furry but I think it's rather a small spiny, with a small black eyes a bit like a mouse I would say... It has black, brown and white spots quite 'cute' - They say it has very excellent smell..so cool eh?- when I took the pictures, he didn't move at all...How strange.... do you think Hedgehogs are blind??

Next year '2009'? I am not sure if I bother go to London to see all 'those thingy' again... May be the idea of stay at home, party with friends and watch it all on the telly would be a good one instead...? or may be I should wait and see what other options it will turn up..? Just may be.............

New Year is Approaching...

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul'' ~G. K. Chesterton~

This morning I woke up, had a cup of tea -- I sat down and said to myself... ''How fast the year has flown by''. It has not been a bad year -- of course some have been bad but I have made it through even some are still in quest for a solution. Despite it all I have made some truly wonderful friends this year for which I will be eternally thankful for having met them.

Here we are at the end of the year....Have you ready to make those oh-so-common “resolutions”? Have we achieved it yet? Or is it still in 'linger'? I guess we all make resolutions as soon as we approach the end of 2007....and the most common are losing weight, quit smoking, hit the gym, spend more time with family and so on and so forth... but I find they are hard to keep and most people don't pay any attention to them, we all make them and we all break them -- So, what's yours new year's resolutions? Have you made one at all? Do you think they’re worth doing?

Anyway.... I'm off to work now... Happy New Year 2008 to everyone -- I hope that only good things happen for you. Be safe New Years eve. Love you guys xxx

Back to work........

After a relaxing Christmas days and alot, lot of food and wine ....I'm back at work....It wasn't am looking forward of but well it's something we all have to do for living.. especially 'for me' -- Some of us might be lucky to have a long days off till next year....but not me... I wish I could have....still I shouldn't be moaning hehehe..

Weekend?? Work work work @ the sale is on.......!! Oh well, at least it keeps me busy..... ;-)

Tuesday, 25 December, 2007

Merry Christmas to everyone....!!!



I've been busy on for the past few days.....shopping, setting up a Christmas tree, putting decor together, etc etc etc...didn't get a chance to go online at all but here to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas --- Don't forget to share your joy, love, and memories with your friends, family and loved ones and may the happiness will be around you....!!

May the peace and beauty of the season remain with you throughout the coming year and may the holidays refresh your spirit and bring you new inspiration, peace and happiness...!!

Merry Christmas to everyone!!

Five days to Christmas....

I woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm cell phone, then I went back to sleep. Nine minutes later the alarm snooze again ……. and, again I went back to sleep...my eyes just refused to open and it was so freezing cold in my room which didn't help at all. I woke up after looking at the time and seeing that I needed to leave for work within 55 minutes or I'd be late !

I got up and looked out at the back of the garden and everything was covered in a thin white frost. For just one second I thought 'Oh it was so beautiful‘ but then I was a bit nervous about whether I could cope with the cold without any winter gloves and hat. After I had my shower and breakfast, I asked my landlord, David, if I can borrow his leather brown gloves as I knew the ones that I had borrowed before weren't thick enough to keep my fingers warm. Kindly enough he let me. When I left home it was minus 3 and it was just so so cold. I could feel the cold wind blowing against my face...and my ears felt hurt and cold...I should have put a hat on!!

I was quite surprised how quiet the shop is today - I thought as the festive season is approaching plus the school holidays it was going to be busy, but it isn't - maybe this weekend it's gonna be crowded...? We shall have to wait and see.

I finished work at 1 PM today then I decided to get myself a pair of gloves - I went to Burton’s and bought a dark grey pair. I hope that well keep my fingers warm and smooth hahahaha...Done my Christmas cards today...and posted them...YOU know who you are.... It might be a bit late but I just hope it will get there on time or if it isn't I 'thought' at least I've sent them hehe - So for those of you who didn't receive, it is either I don't have your addresses or I might have missed them. I am sorry for that but here’s wishing you all a very Merry Christmas in advance...hehehe.

I don't feel like cooking today so we have decided to have a Chinese delivery from the 'Shangri-La restaurant'. We have ordered from them quite a few times and to be frank, they are not a bad meal at all hehe. So I would recommend it to any of you IF you not 'too' fussy about food hehehe. After gaining some energy we started to move things around --- Or Vin said 'Humpa Lumpa' hahahaha --- still there are a few things that need to be changed including the decor but well we will get a few more days before Christmas arrives.

It's my Birthday today....

I had a very nice day today - I went out with D, Yu and M for dinner. Actually Yu-San also just had his Birthday five days before so, we kind of celebrate it together.

We went to a quite moderate restaurant in Hersham, Surrey and it wasn't bad at all - I would say it was average and reasonable- Nice cosy and quite calm. Well, as long as we all enjoyed the evening and had a good laugh that is all that matters, isn't it? For me, it doesn't have to be a great, expensive and exclusive restaurant... We all seemed to have a great time and we were filled up!!

Went back home around 10.30pm and we all had a 'Strawberry mousse' cake as a dessert that D has bought for me. Really nice of him..Thanks D!! I really didn't expected that! It was sweet or savory, the strawberry just so yummy - Everyone had one slice but I had two hehehe..I just can't resist! Hahaha... By 11pm everyone has gone home and things were back to normal again... and I had to be back to work tomorrow and at the weekend..oh well...!

It feels weird to say that I am 27 years old oh dear, oh dear, oh dear - When I turned 26 last year, I didn't really 'feel' it... Does that mean I was officially in my "late 20's''?? Hmmmmmm..... I was just not ready for that. Hopefully I'll deal with 27 a bit better and just stay 27 forever hehehe.

For one moment, I'm thinking and looking back at my past accomplishments and failures and I have to ask myself. 'Where to now'? I've dreamt where I want to be and here I am....but I have not achieved what I want and want to be....

I still have a lot to do, a lot to learn and dreams..How it all fits together? I still have a long journey to go..I don't know exactly what the next year will bring, but I know that I will have wonderful people in my life to go on the journey with me and am thankful for that..xxxx

A day before my birthday....

Things are pretty normal today - I just had a lazy dazy at home, not doing much just vegetate in front of the telly - and let my mind wander..

By tomorrow, I'll be turning 27 years old.. It's my second time to celebrate my day here in UK. Celebrate? Hmmm Well sort of..... It's bit strange to celebrate it here, not like I used to have it back home with all my family, relatives and friends... the delicious foods, drinks and karaoke 'thingy' hehehe.. It was fun but now it's time for a change..

My manager was 'quite' considerate to give me a day off for my 'birthday' - She asked me to join them for a farewell party of our colleagues tomorrow after 7pm at the Vain Club just across the high street in Walton but well I don't think I will go... I 'will' probably go somewhere and spend on my own...?

Well, just hours from now I will starting a 'new' life.. I just hope and pray that in every decision that I will make in life; I may find true love, happiness and peace of mind and heart.

Got my second Hep B shot...

It's my day off today, this is the only time I can rest and do all my chores, it was a bit more difficult than usual because we had 'Pip' (My landlord's friend dog) for a week and can you imagine 'How much fur around the house'.........It's not that I don't like dogs... I love dogs especially if they are little puppies hehe.. they are so adorable but it's a hard work and need a commitment just like having a 'real baby' hehehe...

But 'Pip' is such a lovely dog, very friendly, he's quite calm and easy and completely non-aggressive.. Surprisingly, I've never heard him bark hahaha..Not sure if that is a good sign or bad..I just take it as he is a special one. Different from others - He's returned to his owner now...It felt a bit different not having him around but on the other hand, it is good not having him staring at you with his mouth dripping while you are having your meals...hahaha...Bless him!

I spent my day doing cleaning and washing up today - Cleaning is one of those chores that we all have to do despite, some of them might hire a cleaner to do it...Lucky them!...I never really enjoy it..but it keeps the house clean and tidy...So I can't complaint hehehehe ...eventually it's all done and it felt like home again...yahoo!!

I hope there are much easier, faster and less painful way to do it hehehee..

Late afternoon I bike to Kingston Hospital to get my Hepatitis B booster. It took me about an hour to get there lucky the weather is good but still very, very chilly - The nurse who did it was a new trainee, amazingly she did a good job - It didn't hurt me at all..She said I 'might' need to come again sixth month after but they will let me know..I don't see why I need to come back again in sit months time...but if it is for my health then why not?

Then, I rode bike back home. It's getting late and less traffic but it was so freezing cold. I had my gloves on which I had borrowed from my landlord David. One is black and the other is grey but I still barely felt the cold on my fingers but my ears were growing numb!! At last, I got home at about 9'ish. Gotta keep myself warm!!!!

FYI, Hepatitis B, sometimes called Hep B or HBV, is a virus that is carried in the blood which infects and damages the liver. Hep B can be caused by a number of things including; drinking too much alcohol (the most common cause of liver damage), a virus infection, such as Hep B, the side effects of some drugs and chemicals and, the body's own immune system - a liver disease called 'autoimmune Hepatitis.

So, for those of you haven't get the vaccine I suggest you get the shot! Hehehe..